Zach Brown – Opinion Editor |
For all the good technology does for us, I hate that it changes how we interact.
I hate that I can Google a girl before going on a first date and see that she ran the 5000m in 29minutes, 25 seconds in 2008. I hate that I can go through her profile pictures and get a grasp of the kind of person she wants to portray without ever having talked to her. I hate that I can read her tweets about country music, and I hate that I judge her behind her back for that. I hate that I spend more time crafting perfect texts than actually talking to her.
With the advent of such technologies, I can know what to expect from a date before ever talking to the girl. My expectations are based, then, upon my own assumptions. The strategy and game of dating is lost (or at least horribly muddled) when I can find out things about a girl before she chooses to share them.
So, I propose to revert back to a simpler time. I want to date you like it’s 1963.
In 1963, there was no Internet. Bill Gates was 8 years old. The best-selling car was the Ford Galaxie 500. Cell phones, Facebook and conventional text messaging were either distant spots on the horizon or devices in Ray Bradbury stories.
In 1963, if I wanted to talk to you, I would have two options: See you in person or call you on a telephone. Communication was simple; there was no way to get confused how a message was sent. Mixed signals were a factor of actual miscommunication, not an unsent text or skipped notification.
I want to go back to that time. While we’ll be driving around in my 1998 Subaru Forester and are living in the afterglow of second and third wave feminism (thankfully), I think it could work. Here’s how we’ll do it:
1. No texting. If either of us has something to say to the other, it had better be good, because calling is the only option for on-the-fly updates, planning and occasional playful banter. I like you enough to hear your voice. Having to wait to talk to you makes me want you more. Every sentence matters; I care about every word you say. I want to actually laugh at your jokes, rather than send a lackluster “Haha.”
2. No Facebook. Unfriend me. I don’t want to know about your dumb Hebrew tattoo before you tell me about it.
3. Dates are an event. Like on “The Brady Bunch.”And I pay for you.
4. We can take things slow, as long as we clear that’s the plan. That Ford Galaxie 500 is going to take a while to get past inertia, anyway.
5. Things don’t have to be concrete. Until we decide we’re “going steady,” we’re just testing the waters– finding out about each other and whether or not this is someone to whom we would like to continue talking.
So step inside my time machine and date me like it’s 1963.