By Samantha Smith – Opinion Columnist |

While I was driving down Lakeshore in rush hour traffic the other day, simultaneously choosing music on my iPod, drinking hot coffee and buckling my Holy Bible into the front seat (you never know when Jesus needs to take the wheel), my mother sent me this text message:  “Dnt txt n drive. It could kll u.”

After I pulled myself up off the floorboard from my fit of laughing out loud, I was struck blind by the irony that my mother had deemed it necessary to send me a text to inform me not to text. Then I was struck deaf by the voice of God coming from the general direction of my leather-bound telling me to get his holy word out of unholy oncoming traffic.

Two things happened as a result of this event. First, I went ahead and bumped myself up a few points on the righteousness scale of one-Precious Moments. I shouldn’t have to remind you that this is my second encounter with the Lord in less than two months. You might as well hang me on your Christmas tree and lock the cat away.

Second, I began to ask myself a question. If the God of the universe could save my life by taking time out of his busy agenda trying to get President Obama out of office so he doesn’t blow up God’s chosen people (Roll Tide) to yell at me about protecting his holy word, why couldn’t my mother take time out of her schedule to drop me line?

In light of this recent questioning, I have come up with a quantity of observations about texting as a social behavior. From these observations I have created a questionnaire of sorts, which one should read before thinking about sending a text.

  1. Does the general theme of the message you are sending contribute to the life of the person who is receiving it, or will your mindless and unoriginal violation of the Lord’s name in three letters require a similarly mindless response?
  2. Imagine what this campus would look like if every person who admits to lmfao-ing were in fact laughing so violently? We would have solved the national obesity crisis. Or picture for a moment walking along the quad when suddenly someone collapses to the ground rotfl-ing, and this is deemed completely acceptable social behavior.
  3. Are you sending a text because you are sitting in a room where everyone else is sending a text? If you were to say what you are sending out loud, would it be beneficial to the conversation, if there is one? Do you measure your social worth by your ability to attract ba-da-dinks?
  4. Are your friendships based on text messages? Do you even have friends? Do you have family that supports you? Then who are you even texting? Go eat your pathetic sorrows alone, and pick up your butt on the way out.

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