CES has been around a long time, and as the world’s largest tech show, it has a notorious reputation for turning up gadgets that we didn’t really need. Self-adjusting belts, toilet robots, you name it, someone paid to have it built. It’s only Day 1 here at CES and we’ve already seen some real doozies. Orange juice that’s free of AI, huh! Who knows what preposterousness the next few days will hold?
Ballie sees you go potty.
In New York City it’s said you’re never more than six feet from a rat, and at CES you’re never more than six feet from a robot. Based on this image above, we want to stay as far away from this one as we can. Samsung’s Ballie won’t like that, though. It follows you. It watches you sleep. It has cameras. It can determine how you’re sitting to show you YouTube clips with its built-in projector. Even on the ceiling.
Look at me throwing shapes to try and fool the creepy Among Us dude — you’ll never work out my anatomical makeup. Not ever! I am the great, boneless octopus of the southern oceans!
The Oclean X Ultra Wi-Fi Digital Toothbrush.
The Oclean Ultra X is a smart toothbrush that has an interactive touchscreen and gives you AI voice tips via bone conduction. Why do they keep inventing computers you put in your mouth? Why, CES? Why??? Call me old-fashioned, but I don’t want a toothbrush using my skeleton to tell me how bad I am at brushing my teeth.
Flappie makes your predator leave its prey at the door.
Just as Ballie sounds like the movie Wall-E, this gadget sounds a lot like the film Chappie. Except unlike the sweet swag of the fictional robot Chappie, this gadget is not saving the people of near-future South Africa. No, instead Flappie keeps your house free of dead birds and mice. Through your cat flap. Surely this smart device should be able to detect something more useful entering your house, like possums, raccoons or interloper neighborhood cats intent on stealing your cat’s food and spraying its territory. Better yet, circus performers moonlighting as international master thieves!
Here’s another thing: If Flappie won’t let your cat inside if it detects your feline friend dragging dead things around, that still leaves you with a dead thing in your garage or on your doorstep.
The Rabbit R1 looks like an analog throwback device with a tiny screen.
I’ve always been of the thinking that single-use devices are the best — a record player, or a bicycle, for example — they don’t need to do other things because they’re good at what they do. But sometimes this can go too far, as with the Rabbit R1 machine. It strips out apps and is essentially a Star Trek communicator for talking to the “computer” (or, the AI assistant). Does it portend a post-app world? Are you really supposed to carry it around alongside your regular phone? Sure, our phones might be privacy nightmares, but the Rabbit still has a camera on it, and it looks awkward as hell…
AI-free OJ. OK.
CES is all about getting people’s attention and we’re used to the toilet paper robots and the vacuum shoes, but one of the silliest announcements at this year’s conference is “AI-free orange juice.” Yes, Tropicana is making a special edition of its OJ called “Tropcn” because it doesn’t have computers in it or something. No As or Is in there, that’s for certain! As it turns out, IAA is a plant hormone, so maybe this is a joke for the horticulturalists.
Stick with us as we continue to explore the most weird and wonderful products from CES 2024.
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