CES has been around for a long time, and as the world’s largest tech show, it has a notorious reputation for turning up gadgets that we didn’t really need. Self-adjusting belts, toilet robots — you name it, someone paid to have it built. It’s Day 3 here at CES and there’s been some real doozies. Pillows that move your head around as you sleep? Meat toasters? Yet, there’s one thing that really made me go “WTH?” And it is…
The weirdest thing at CES 2024
It’s alive!!!!
Everyone, hold the inside-out phone. This product. This is the weirdest one we saw at CES 2024. Dancing plants, or rather quite jiggly ones. The PlantPetz is designed to turn your green thumb into Gizmo (from Gremlins). They gurgle when they don’t get water and there’s a capacitive sensor inside — meaning electricity, albeit mild — which makes it move when you touch it. I’m shaking my head at this thing through my computer screen in disbelief. I mean it’s fun, but so potentially torturous. Meanwhile, I’ve got some dried dirt clods on my window sill that could do with some electrical jolts. Arise, my lovelies. It’s time.
AI meat cookers replacing $50 pans
Horizontal cooking is so last year.
“Darling, I’ll have two pieces of meat toast, please!” Just chuck a couple of steaks in the freight elevator-like cages of the $3,500 AI-enhanced Perfecta Gill. Two minutes later, you’ll have a perfectly cooked ribeye. This is taking brunch to a new level.
Stalker robot that watches you sleep
Ballie sees you go potty.
In New York City it’s said you’re never more than six feet from a rat, and at CES you’re never more than six feet from a robot. Based on what we know about this one, we want to stay as far away as we can. Samsung’s Ballie won’t like that; it follows you. It watches you sleep. It has cameras. It can determine how you’re sitting to show you YouTube clips with its built-in projector — even on the ceiling.
On a side note, this AI Robot bears a striking resemblance to the Among Us character.
Watch this: Samsung Has a Ballie: AI Robot Helps Around the House 01:57
A computer you put in your mouth?
The Oclean X Ultra Wi-Fi Digital Toothbrush.
The Oclean Ultra X is a smart toothbrush that has an interactive touchscreen and gives you AI voice tips via bone conduction. Why do they keep inventing computers you put in your mouth? Why, CES? Why? Call me old-fashioned, but I don’t want a toothbrush using my skeleton to tell me how bad I am at brushing my teeth.
Snore-reducing pillow
DeRUCCI’s Anti-Snoring Pillow
CES is really leaning into the future of assisted living. Here’s a pillow that lolls your unconscious head around when it detects “snoring” movement. The Derucci Anti-Snore Smart Pillow claims to reduce snoring by 89% but look at that super-chunky control pad attachment. I’d rather snore, thanks anyway.
Dead mouse alarm
Flappie makes your predator leave its prey at the door.
Just as Ballie sounds like the movie Wall-E, this gadget sounds a lot like the film Chappie. Unlike the sweet swag of the fictional robot Chappie, this gadget is not saving the people of near-future South Africa. No, instead Flappie keeps your house free of dead birds and mice. Through your cat flap. Surely this smart device should be able to detect something more useful entering your house, like possums, raccoons or interloper neighborhood cats intent on stealing your cat’s food and spraying its territory. Better yet, circus performers, moonlighting as international master thieves.
Here’s another thing: If Flappie won’t let your cat inside if it detects your feline friend dragging dead things around, that still leaves you with a dead thing in your garage or on your doorstep.
An app-free personal assistant that isn’t your phone
The Rabbit R1 looks like an analog throwback device with a tiny screen.
I’ve always been of the mindset that single-use devices are the best — a record player, or a bicycle, for example — they don’t need to do other things because they’re good at what they do. Sometimes this can go too far, as with the Rabbit R1 machine. It strips out apps and is essentially a Star Trek communicator for talking to the “computer” (or, the AI assistant). Does it portend a post-app world? Are you really supposed to carry it around alongside your regular phone? Sure, our phones might be privacy nightmares, but the Rabbit still has a camera on it, and it looks awkward as hell.
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‘Dumb’ orange juice
AI-free OJ. OK.
CES is all about getting people’s attention and we’re used to the toilet paper robots and the vacuum shoes, but one of the silliest announcements at this year’s conference is “AI-free orange juice.” Yes, Tropicana is making a special edition of its OJ called “Tropcn” because… it doesn’t have computers in it or something. No “A’s” or “I’s” in there, that’s for certain. If you spell out the missing letters in order, “IAA” is a plant hormone, so maybe this is an inside joke for horticulturalists. Fetch the surgeon, our sides are split.
Stick with us as we continue to explore the most wonderful products from CES 2024.